Insight:
I often see team members fall into the Yes/No trap.
When a boss or someone higher in the organization
makes a request that is impossible to fulfill given the
team member’s existing commitments, team members
often feel trapped. It’s hard to say no, so team
members say yes and then:
- Don’t keep the commitment they made, or modify
it later
- Don’t keep their other commitments
- Reduce the quality of their work.
By saying yes, the team member ensures that at
least one person to whom they made a commitment
will be dissatisfied. And the team member may end
up feeling overwhelmed and perhaps resent their
manager.
Sometimes, the best answer is indeed "no," but often
you can address everyone’s needs by making a
counter offer. Let me share a quick story.
Marilyn, a marketing executive at a bank, was asked
by the President to implement a new customer
outreach program by July. Given her other
commitments, she couldn’t do it. Rather than saying
no, Marilyn returned to the President with
several options:
"Chris, I understand the importance of this project,
and here’s what I can do. I see three choices:
- I can implement the program by July, but I’ll
have to delay the sales training for 2 months to free
up some time.
- I can fit everything in by July if I get a budget
to hire a consultant to work with me for 20
hours/week.
- I can have the outreach program completed by
September without shifting my other projects.
What would you like me to do?"
"Marilyn, I need this by July, and the sales training
can wait, so let’s move forward on this."
The result was that Marilyn was able to take care of
Chris’s needs, and she left the conversation with a
clear prioritization of where to focus her attention.
By giving him options, Marilyn was able to escape the
yes/no trap and allow Chris to choose the most
effective way to move forward given her capacity.
Action:
When you are feeling trapped by a request
and the only answer seems to be yes or no, consider
creating new options and offering choices that will
satisfy everyone’s needs.
When people make a request, listen for what’s
needed behind their request. Often people make
requests that assume a specific solution. This can
limit possibilities. Ask yourself what options you can
create to address their underlying needs.
Generating options can help you stay out of the
Yes/No trap and effectively manage your
commitments. Offering options may
provide solutions that no one had considered and
help you build partnership with your colleagues and
managers.
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©2006 Jason Gore & The Collaborative Way
